Hello there, my name is Alex and I have been labelled as having depression since early 2017. I have my good days and my bad days.
Sometimes anxiety pulls my stomach into a knot and I struggle to form any words. I keep most of my thoughts in my head and I don’t have the strength to last 3 hours at a club where everyone is under the influence except me. I look at all the popular people loving life and I just feel as empty as the bottles at the bar. The gossip and the conversation doesn’t involve me, I have never been the topic of conversation. As much as I try to live my life either someone or something is holding me back. With the freedom of this blog, I want to give a voice and a reason to what I have experienced in my young life.
At the time of the creation of this blog, I will have just finished my first year at university. I have been labelled with depression for six months. I am petrified of clowns and snakes. I still cannot swim. I have been cheated on twice and there has always been someone that is better than me, despite all of the effort that I have wasted over the years. I have planned suicide but never attempted it and I have never self harmed. This might be brutally honest and difficult to read but I am not going to lie to you, if I am going to get better then the first step is admitting my pain. Now, even if I never can truly move on from my past, then I must at least try to leave with.
I am hoping to one day get better and starting with this blog, I am trying to free up my head one word at a time. Hopefully I will find a path to my fairytale ending with a sunset and a hand to hold. Even if I find that ending, don’t worry, the story never truly ends there, I’ll always be here.
Much love from your friend,